Eric Staggs: Writer

Having been on set once or twice, I can see how Christian Bale could lose his temper with an over-zealous grip or some production assistant sniffling during a take. That said, I heard his rant recorded during the production of Terminator Salvation and it was… excessive. But I didn’t let that simple lapse in judgment taint my movie going experience.

What we have in this film is the fourth installment of a rapidly failing franchise. We can all look back into the dim memories of the early 80’s and see Arnold Schwarzenegger terminating his way through Los Angeles. But since those mythical times, the Terminator’s tale has become a tired cliché with episodic installments each trying to “out-explode” the last one.

I saw it anyway. And, frankly, I was pleasantly surprised. The plot certainly was not without holes, but it was simple enough to not get bogged down in insulting exposition. There were enough characters to take the focus away from Bale, who, while a fine actor, felt flat and uninspired in the role of John Connor, Savior of the Human Race. In fact, the other characters carried much of the emotional burden of the film.

As expected in the 21^st century, the special effects were excellent. And while I still can’t figure out why, during the final epic battle in the Terminator factory, Skynet didn’t just turn on more terminators (since, you know, one was giving our heroes a run for it), I enjoyed the film very much. Though it’s my own personal bias, I feel I’ve got to pipe up about Time Travel. In a nutshell, it’s can’t happen. Information as we know it cannot travel faster than the event that caused it. No effect then cause. So why can’t Hollywood drop the Jack-Tripper Time Travel Trope and invest just a few more seconds into their writing? I know time travel was an integral part of the Terminator plot, and wasn’t so much so in Terminator: Salvation, however, John Connor was well aware of the potential for paradox and based his actions on that knowledge. Yawn.

The action sequences were top-notch and I think we can all agree that bringing more hardware to bear on the Terminator problem is exactly what we needed to do.

As much as I loathe Hollywood’s inability to generate new film ideas, this re-hashing of perhaps the best sci-fi series ever, was a wonderful surprise. Starting from the eyes inward, the special effects were spectacular. However, as I’ve said many times, in this day and age, we expect nothing less. So no stars there.

The cast was expertly selected, each filling their role to a tee. Of course, there’s no end to background material, and I doubt seriously that once on set the question was asked “What’s my motivation?” Still, McCoy and Spock stole the show, barreling over even James T. Kirk in their replication of past favorites.

There were some plot problems, however. First off, “red matter” was just a little silly. The armed and armored Romulan mining vessel scrubbed a whole fleet? What are they mining, Death Stars? Then of course, there was the Deus Ex Machina moments – like Kirk happening to land within walking distance of Future Spock’s self imposed exile cave. Another major problem was what I refer to as the “cheat.”

When Sulu is unable to get the Enterprise into gear we miss a major space battle. I don’t know about you, but I was there *for* the space battle. Simply put, we were cheated, either by a studio’s graphics budget or a director who thought his plot was better served by flaming all of Starfleet and denying three generations of loyal fans a chance to witness it. In either case, we deserved more.

That said, Star Trek was overall a fine piece of sci-fi cinema.

In film school, I spent hour upon credit-hour analyzing, dissecting and basically tearing into film. It was a good time – so many rotten films are made, we had plenty of material to go over. We’d start at the top of the list with the overall plot and work through, like a hacksaw to the meat and bones of a film, the directing and acting, cinematography and sound design, et cetera. There was always something to bite into. In fact, even text-book perfect films had something to chew up. Jaws, perfect by all standards had that abominable fake shark, the mismatched B-roll shark footage. Citizen Kane even had some snorks in it.

Watchmen, no doubt had a few glicks, but overall it was a great movie. The super-hero genre is being pummeled to death by super-sized budgets and two-dimensional villains, so it was refreshing to see some super heroes who aren’t so super. I’ve heard fans say that a lot of material was left out from the original graphic novel, but for new fans and fresh-starters, it was a very complete telling.

No screen time was wasted with the stock genre tropes like the time-hogging and seemingly obligatory “origin scenes.” The audience is just dropped with into the story, with nary a care for the vigilante weirdo’s pasts. Set in the mid 80’s, Watchmen was a very now tale. The philosophical questions it provokes are timeless and skillfully demonstrated. The astute observer will note that while there were protagonists and opposition, this was another film without a villain – simply a whole lot of anti-heroism.

The production design was stellar, as was the direction and editing. Fast paced and thoughtful, with intriguing characters the whole piece was great fun. Perhaps a little too much blue tube, but hey, the guy has transcended time and space, so I guess he can walk around naked if he likes.

Enter the Dollhouse, a hidden location where beautiful men and women, are stored in a subdued and distracted state. Stored until they are needed again. These men and women owe a debt to society, and in this new series, an anonymous A-team like corporate makes these operative available, for a price. The pretense is that the organization is doing good, helping society and generally improving the world. The reality is that this organization is taking away the freewill and lives of it’s operative, by mind-wiping and implanting new personalities for each mission.

Sounds like the stuff of classic science fiction, no? Well, no. Set in contemporary generic urban setting 4a, the plot had holes in it big enough to drive a truck through. Like, a top-secret, but cozy mind-wipe lab where patients can just wander in and out during procedures. Buzz. Try again Joss.

Joss, the brilliant mind behind Firefly, Buffy and Angel, might have thrown his first bomb. This eagerly awaited premiere showed off the so-so acting talents of Eliza Dushku, as an attractive but rather unconvincing programmable operative. Here’s hoping the second episode rolls out a little stronger than the first.

I went into the film with low-expectations. It’s a remake of an ancient “sci-fi classic,” that, to my knowledge, hasn’t seen the light of day for decades. I’ve seen the original and found it had it’s place in the obtuse archives of fifties drive-in theaters. That said, I still enjoy me a good Earth vs. Everyone film.

Fortunately, the film wastes little time and throws the audience into the heart of the problem. Something is coming, and we can’t stop it.

The casting, I felt was somewhat awkward. No, I’m not just talking about Surfboard Reeves. Jenifer Connelly, whose haunting eyes chase me all the way back to the days of the Labyrinth, performed well. However, her role was… passive. The choice of Jaden Smith as her son felt forced. Jaden Smith’s performance was good, but then, what ten year-old can’t act like a ten year-old?

Early on, a host of scientists were gathered. Of the bunch, the only one with speaking lines was a dark-skinned and bearded man. He was sensible, calm and very much an attribute to the scientific team. He also felt like a token. This combined with Jaden Smith and a few other choices made the entire cast feel as if it were a socio-political message and a rather heavy handed one at that.

The pacing was good, I was never bored for very long. Though I never felt satisfaction for the scenario. We learn that Klaatu is a representative of a sort of galactic U.N., here to pass final judgment. We, of course, shoot him. Hilarity ensues.

Well, not hilarity per se. My major issue with the film (aside from the rampant product placement – not Apple this time, but Micro$oft and McDonald’s), was the lack of plausibility. The dialogue felt overly expositional, the characters were single-dimensional archetypes, more fulfilling a role than acting out a living scenario.

The final bite was that Klaatu was so easily swayed. He was sent tour world with the option to wipe out humanity. To smear six-billion plus lives out of existence. Yet, the contrived family psycho-drama between Connely and Smith melts his freezy heart? Seems… pretty forced to me.

Over all, the action was minimal, the theme and sub-plots were heavy-handed and Surfboard Reeves does what he does best: Plays a somewhat confused outsider with a very little emotional range.

From a writer’s point of view, this film was pretty weak. This particular version takes a robbery/homicide and turns it into a sadistic piece of slightly predictable nightmare. Liv Tyler, gorgeous as always, takes on the role of scream queen as she and her estranged boyfriend attempt to ward off psychotic attacks from Strangers. The Strangers, are apparently drifters with an excruciatingly sadistic streak. After some moments of tension, the plot breaks, and everyone dies. Basically.

For a horror film, I’d say everything is done right. The characters have a measure of depth. They have a backstory, a motivation. The friend who shows up just to add to the body count has a legitimate reason for being there. Structurally, it was a well crafted film.

There were moments of true tension, supported by some chilling cinematography. However, if you’re looking for a plot or depth of substance, you won’t find it here. This is ultimately just a slow moving slasher film, now matter how well constructed it was. 

5. Starship Troopers
Aside from irrevocably butchering Robert Heinlein’s classic novel, Verhoeven managed to take a surefire theme and turn it into a painful mockery of intergalactic warfare. In addition to the soul-less acting from Casper van Dien, we’re exposed to a gratuitous episode of 90210 in space. Except, the chicks in this film aren’t that good looking. Managing to keep their makeup on straight even in the face of relentless hordes of flesh-eating alien bugs, Johnny Rico and his pals fall in and out of love, rescue the girl, escape certain death in the brain bug lair, and save the galaxy.

4. Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
Sorry. I’m a huge Star Wars fan, but there are some unforgivable issues in this film. First off, “Hey, Padme, sometimes, people don’t say everything they are thinking, especially women.” The dialogue between Padme and Anakin was not only brutally hard to listen to, but it felt like two virgins miming something they saw on late night television, complete with a misunderstanding of what parts go where. If the Jedi are so powerful, how come they can’t see their boy is chillin’ with a villain? Why do the Jedi espouse control and even-handed yet chop off limbs the first time you cross them? How come there’s no travel time anywhere? Why can’t Anakin act? And finally, just after the speech about how much he cares for Anakin, why does Obi-wan walk off leaving him to die slowly of third degree burns and slip back into the river of boiling lava? Oh that’s right, because they’re just making it up as they go. Seriously.

3. Species
Not even gratuitous nudity could save this stinker. Was this another Verhoeven film? Horny alien genes are spliced with a human in a lab and she gets away cuz’ she’s gotta get her game on? Seriously? Okay, so a crack team of specialists are assembled to track down this little lightspeed lover before she seals the deal. But there’s a catch – the alien wants a baby. Quick to wal-greens for some 9mm rounds and some rubbers! That said, I’ve watched the film like six times.

2. The Matrix: Revolutions/Reloaded
Keanu’s acting is enough to make any true artist crap diamonds. The guy couldn’t offer the emotion of a surf board if his life depended on it. I cite the scene where Trinity croaks and he’s got to press on without her. He barely bats an eye. Or the scene where her heart stops and he’s got to restart it. Again, zero emotion. He’s pretty cool with loosing the only thing he cares about. The ten-million dollar high-way chase scene was brilliant, but did it advance the plot? Nope, not really. If Neo can fly and Agent Smith can replicate himself endlessly, why are they fighting? Why, again, would the robots stop when they have the humans once and for all? That’s certainly not logical. Also, Dear Wachowski brothers: please don’t bludgeon me with your misunderstanding of existentialism.

1. Anything Uwe Boll made
I’m not sure how he does it, but this guy can blend a poor understanding of story telling, bad writing and shoddy cinema into a fruit-smoothie of diarrhea for the mind in .5 seconds flat. And they keep giving him projects. House of the Dead (which barely had a house in it, let alone a plot), Dungeon Siege (oh man, I though they were kidding when they said how bad it was – Ray Liotta?), and of course, Alone In the Dark. Wow. Stinkers on a stick seems too kind.

So rather than just bad mouthing these films, rent them and watch them. Break them down into the core component you use in your writing. Character, Plot, Setting, Sensations. Where do they succeed and where do they fail? It’s easier to see the successes in a poor film that a good one. You’re not a distracted by all the cool and glitter, you’re not immersed in the story, hooked ont eh plot, edge-of-your-seat waiting to find out what happens next, yes, then you can easily criticize.